Time to Walk the Walk

One of my husband's favorite sayings is "You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?" Tomorrow is October 1. I've been writing this blog for a month. I have "dabbled" in my weight loss efforts. I've been to Weight Watchers twice (should have been 4 times by now) and I have been to the gym once (should have been 20 times by now). Maybe I am being a little hard on myself but the bottom line is this - if I want results then I have to put in the time!

I was studying with my 8 year old this evening. We were reviewing vocabulary words for one of her tests tomorrow. One of the words was Consequence. She immediately defined it in negative terms. "If I misbehave, the consequence will be a punishment". Yes, that works, but I wanted her to understand that consequences also occur in a positive situation. "A consequence of studying for this test tonight is a good grade tomorrow." Of course, it got me thinking about what I have been doing or not doing. I have been watching my intake and I have been trying to "live" while managing my weight. However, if I really want to lose then I really must get serious. I haven't journaled in a couple of days. This doesn't mean I can't eat my chocolate - I just have to write it down (Bite it Write it). I need to be more accountable. I also need to get serious about my workouts. Taking walks with friends is wonderful. Playing doubles tennis a couple of times a week is also great. But if I really want to lose the fat and start toning up then I must get in some real cardio and strength training.

So I am going to literally start "walking the walk". Tomorrow if you want to find me, I will be at xSport at 9:30am 'walking the walk' on an elliptical (cardio), followed by a Yoga class at 10:30 in studio 3 (strength training). After that I will go to Weight Watchers for a weigh in to see where I am in terms of weight.

It is time to get down to business!

Birthday Thanks

Hi to all my readers! Thanks for all of the comments. I read them and read them and take everything in! I appreciate all of your tips and I certainly get a good belly laugh from some of them as well! I had a great Birthday thanks to many of you and especially to a wonderful husband and two beautiful children here at home.

I've wanted to share some recipes in this blog and I figured that this is as good of a time as any to start! Yesterday, I made a diet soda cake that is so delicious and very low in calories. It is one of my favorites (obviously since I made it for my own birthday). Eventually, I do want to design a webpage for this blog and I envision having a recipe section included. Here is my first. Believe me - try this - it is really delicious and of course, please comment!

Diet Soda Cake:

1 box of cake mix (any favorite flavor)

1 can of a complementary flavored diet soda

1 egg

Fresh strawberries or bananas (optional)

Fat free Cool Whip or Reddi Wip (optional)

Mix first three ingredients together (cake mix, soda and egg). Pour in a cake pan of your choice. Bake as directed on the box. Serve with fresh fruit on the side and fat free topping. Here are some good combinations: Vanilla cake mix and diet cream soda, chocolate cake mix and diet black cherry soda, vanilla cake mix and diet orange soda.

Perfection - It isn't always Black and White!

I know you have been down this road! I have touched upon it in some of my other blogs and I have had many conversations with foodies and thin people. I am by no means a perfectionist. But, for some STUPID reason, when it comes to dieting, if I am not totally "on program", I fall off the wagon BIG TIME. I always strive for the Perfect Day (in terms of dieting). Eating my allotted number of calories or points (in Weight Watcher speak), exercising at least an hour, and drinking 8 glasses of water. When I don't have the perfect day, maybe I didn't exercise or I ate too much, it throws me totally off.

I like the analogy of the cookie. I'll eat a cookie and then, because I "went off" my diet, I'll go home and stuff my face. Now some might say that I shouldn't have "bad" foods in the house. The truth is, I can overeat on anything. I'll use my favorite example. I usually have peanut butter in the house. It is one of my favorite breakfasts - a tablespoon on a high fiber english muffin and I am ready for any exercise class. The peanut butter is easily digestible, it gives me a lot of energy, it is quick to make and very transportable. But, when I am binging, suddenly that peanut butter becomes a demon.

Even if I don't have the food in the house and I am on a binge I have no problem driving to the local 7-eleven and buying some goodies. Really - what is the difference? It is sort of like the man who sneaks a cigarette while walking the dog.

So, I go out to dinner with my husband and a few other couples. I just started my diet and I really want to stay on track. The anxiety starts because I have to go to a restaurant where it may not be easy to make the right choice because I will be faced with a lot of temptation. What do I do? I don't want to inform everyone that I am on a diet. I asked a thin friend of mine this question once. I was really "in the zone" and I didn't want to blow my efforts. My friend just said "It is tough but just eat a little and make up for it tomorrow by exercising more or eating a little less." Humm . . . . Little . . . Sort of like that book "French Women Don't Get Fat".

I'm a "bulk" eater. When I am "in the zone" I eat a lot of salad because I can bulk up. My leader always says that she is a volume eater too. Maybe that is the mistake. I'm always looking for low calorie, low fat things to eat and recipes to make. There is nothing wrong with that, but why not just eat less of "regular" food. Why can't I have ONE slice of pizza and a side salad. Why do I have to eat THREE slices (and the side salad to make me feel like I am healthy?). Maybe high volume isn't always satisfying. Maybe I need to have a small portion of something really good and realize that I am satisfied, not stuffed, and that is just fine. Maybe I need to rethink the way I am approaching my weight loss efforts.

Maybe I need some gray - not only Black and White!

No California Dreaming for this Girl!!!!

"all the leaves are brown

and the sky is grey

I've been for a walk

on a winter's day"

Did you ever have one of those wonderful days? Maybe something special happened to you; a special look from your spouse, a kind remark from your child, even something a stranger said in the grocery store? Maybe nothing in particular happened . . . . you just went for a walk on a winter's day.

I am having one of those days! There is that saying "Life doesn't get any better than this" - and it does not! I didn't do anything extraordinary today. I did go for a walk, with some good friends, on one of the first days of Fall and I must admit that Autumn is my FAVORITE season (and it isn't because the kids are back in school)! I have always LOVED the Fall. I think it is because I love the clothes, warm sweaters, boots and blue jeans. Maybe it is the prelude to winter; skiing and cozy afternoons (and nights) by a blazing fire.

Maybe it is because my Birthday is coming up. I love my birthday! It is the one day of the year when everyone wishes you well and everyone MUST be nice to you (even your kids and husband). I really don't mind getting older and admitting my age! I am going to be 47 (wow, it is different looking at it than just saying it). With age comes wisdom and a knowledge of who you are, where you have been and where you want to go! You don't have that at 20 or 30!

It is a day like this one that we must treasure and REMEMBER for when we have the opposite kind of day. We have to remember how good it feels to go for that walk (don't eat the jar of peanut butter - walk around the block instead) or talk to a friend (skip the brownie - pick up the phone) or how those jeans fit - not the big size but the smaller size that you have been dieting to get into! And in some strange perverse sort of way, it is all of those lesser than wonderful days that make this one so special.

"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today

I want to be a part of it - new york, new york

These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray

Right through the very heart of it - new york, new york

I wanna wake up in a city, that doesn't sleep

And find I'm king of the hill - top of the heap"

Jujyfruit and Bagels!

I am an At-Home-Mom. I purposely capitalized my "title" because I truly view it as a job. It is a full-time job with no sick days or paid vacation. In fact, it isn't a paying job at all (although my husband might disagree). But let us not digress. I want to focus on the lack of sick days.


The lucky At-Home-Mom will telephone her Mother, Mother-In-Law or perhaps an Aunt or Uncle to rescue her when she is feeling ill. Then there is the woman who will have her husband stay home from work to take care of her, and the children, when she is sick. She will even call him in the middle of the day and have him rush home because she is feeling ill. I, unfortunately, don't fall into either of those categories. I am in the category of "suck it up and get through the day".


A couple of years ago, a stomach flu was going around town. You know the kind - we have all experienced it. The severity may be different but let's just say that when you get it, you are spending a lot of time sitting on or hovering above the toilet. Well, that year the stomach flu ran through my house. I spent a lot of time washing the sheets, cleaning the bathroom, and spraying Lysol. I managed to get through it myself without having to call in the National Guard - or my husband (I probably got it over the weekend - how convenient). I remember talking to a friend of mine about it and asking her if her family had the pleasure of this particular flu. She said that everyone got it and she thinks that she had it also but she wasn't sure. She just remembers that on a Tuesday, she felt really sick to her stomach. She spent the day without eating anything and just sipped ginger ale, all day, as she completed her motherly tasks of taxi-ing the kids around to their various activities. She couldn't wait to just get through the day and get into bed. Guess what! She did have it and like so many of us in category 3 - she sucked it up!


This past week I got a cold. Instead of calling in sick like most working class Americans, I "sucked it up" (remember I am in category 3). To make matters worse, I had an action packed weekend. You know how sometimes you have nothing to do and then one weekend, you have over committed yourself. Well, that was me. Instead of cancelling something, I forged ahead only to find myself every night collapsing into bed with a throat that was on fire (among other symptoms). Finally I raised the white flag on Monday. I dropped the kids off to school and immediately made an appointment with my physician. He didn't even bother looking at my throat because he already decided to put me on antibiotics after just looking in my ears and listening to my chest. It took me 5 days to take care of myself. That night, I got my kids, ordered in and was in bed asleep by 6pm.




As for my dietary endeavors, by Sunday afternoon I found that Jujyfruit candy and warm bagels with cream cheese really did make my sore throat feel better. It is just too bad that I didn't do for myself what I would have done for my children and husband - gotten to the Doctor by the third day, taken the antibiotics and gone to bed. If I had taken care of myself, I would not have gotten as sick as I was yesterday and I would not have eaten as much as I did over the weekend. I'm still learning that food isn't the answer.


As a very wise physician once told me "When you want to eat, just go to bed. You can not eat when you are sleeping."

How do you spell DISASTER??

So I have a confession to make. I suffer from eating out anxiety.

What the #($(*$( ????

When I am dieting (I'm getting better with using that word), and I am faced with having to eat outside of my home, I get a really anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. All of the choices listed on the menu and none of them with any nutritional information. It is like walking through a dietary land mine. I look for all of those buzz words like "crispy" (no good), "grilled" (good), "cream" (no good), to help me navigate. I even research the web for nutritional information before I go out to eat so that I can make good choices. Panera is great for that! But I have a problem when the outing is not planned and combined with feelings which strip me of my defenses. Like today . . . . .

Last Saturday, my son was taking a course in the morning. My daughter always sleeps late, by our family's standards. To get her going and get him to his class on time, my daughter and I skipped breakfast. We planned to go out for breakfast after we dropped my son off. I thought about this carefully. I chose a real breakfast place. The two of us sat at the counter. When the waitress came over to hand us the menu I told her "I just started back on Weight Watchers to take off some summer pounds. What do you suggest I get?" She lit up, complemented me on my determination and informed me that "you can have anything you want - they will fix it for you the way you want it." So I ordered a 3 egg white omelet dry (aka no oil), with salsa and a side of toasted wheat. Hey, I thought to myself, this isn't so bad!

When we picked up my son, my daughter quickly informed him that "Mommy took me out for breakfast". The poor kid . . . what could I do but take him out for lunch! Off to Panera because I know it is a safe place (but I didn't do my research - Ahh). We get to Panera and I quickly order the "you pick two" (soup and salad). I order the black bean soup, which I know is low in calories, but I was confused about the salads. So I did my little speech to the counter girl. "No problem! We have a book with all of the nutritional information right here". Wow . . . this really is easy!

Today is Wednesday. I spent the day at the Museum of Modern Art and met my "Sista" for lunch. I was already anxious about eating out because I knew we would eat at the Museum Cafe but I also felt I could manage the choice. I ordered a salad and then painstakingly wrote down exactly what I ate in my "little diet notebook". I got home and in-puted my food intake into WW's e-tools computer program. Not so bad - I don't have as many calories left as I would like for dinner but I can manage. Then I went to pick up the kids. We had to go to the mall to pick something up. And that is when it happened . . . . . . . my definition of disaster!

I'm hungry . . . . . . . I'm tired . . . . . . . . I'm not feeling well because I am getting a sore throat.

And there it is . . . I am at . . . .

THE FOOD COURT.

All I really wanted to do is get some really thick warm soup (about a gallon), buy one of those "snuggies" that they always advertise on TV (you know the one - " if you order now you will get two snuggies for $19.99") and crawl up on my sofa in front of the TV (maybe with a bag of chips to dip into that warm thick soup - YUM).

I tell myself I will resist . . . I have plenty of good healthy food at home . . . Oh but I am SOOOoooo hungry and my throat really hurts and I am so tired . . . . . .

I let the kids eat an early dinner. After all, they are hungry also and this will save me some clean-up time and allow them to get right to their homework. But what about me???? I look at my choices and I go for the soup! Not the seafood bisque, not the cream of broccoli, not the chili. I get vegetable soup (small please). It takes the edge off and gets me home so that I can eat the dinner I had planned for myself.

It is 7pm right now. I am tired. My throat hurts and I have eaten all of my points for the day (plus an additional 2). Unfortunately, I am still hungry, really hungry . . . . . I've brushed my teeth (sometimes a deterrent to eating). I am going to make myself a large cup of tea with some honey (1 tablespoon is only 1 point), take a couple of Tylenols and wrap myself in a blanket (damn I wish I had one of those snuggies).

Wish me luck! . . . . I hope I make it!

Just Do It!

We are bombarded every day with people trying to sell us stuff. Some of the more savy merchants hire great advertising firms who spend hours trying to find the right words, the right look, the right jingle, all designed to make us want to give them our money for their products. Some of these advertisements are so great that they are entertaining in and of themselves. I always watch the Superbowl not so much for the football, but to see the innovative ads.

One of my absolutely favorite ads is Nike's "Just Do It!". It is short, sweet and to the point. No excuses, no drama, no procrastination: Just Do It!

My husband is a Triathlete. That means he participates in races with three events back to back. First he swims. Then he gets on his bike and rides. And finally, he runs. These races are all different distances. This past summer he did a 70.2 mile Ironman in New Hampshire. He swam 1.2 miles, biked 56 miles and then ran 13.1 miles (that is a half marathon). He did this in about 6 hours. Unbelievable! Unbelievable that people do these races - unbelievable to watch people do these races - unbelievable how much they train and prepare for these races.

While we were at his race (it was an weekend event), I bought a T-shirt. The slogan on the T-shirt got pretty close to "Just Do It".

These athletes struggle everyday with their own goals. It could be
strength, speed, endurance and even weight. The difference is that they are out there and they are doing it! For so many of these incredible athletes, although the race is important, the journey they are on is just as important. They have the "end game" in mind - there is no doubt about that - but they enjoy the training, the challenge, and the camaraderie. It is all part of the experience, the journey. This is a special group of people. They are very supportive of each other and often train together even though it is an individual sport. At the end of the day they are competing against their own best time.

So today I went back to the gym, my gym. I mounted my bike and I began to spin. I took it easy because I am middle aged (which means that I will live to the ripe old age of 92) and overweight. It wasn't easy at first, but about 20 minutes into my spin I started to feel good. Maybe it was the sweat dripping off my brow. Maybe those endorphins started kicking in. Maybe it was the music. I think it was because I was there - where I needed to be and where I wanted to be. Maybe it was because I was just doing it. I was TRI-ing!

UnPlug

Yesterday, I read an article in Yoga Magazine.  It was about a woman who one day decided not to speak for 24 hours.  She found this period of quite and solitude so beneficial that she vowed, not to speak, for 24 hours, twice a month.  Funny how some literature really "hits the spot".

Now with the kids back in school, I have been feeling the overwhelming desire to unplug.  "Unplugging" means different things to different people.  For me it means taking some time for myself to do what I want or need to do.  That would include catching up on household chores, spending a day at the gym (including perhaps a sauna and massage), going to the beach by myself, going into NYC to meet friends or to just go to a museum.

This morning I went back to the gym for the first time in 2 months.  I went to one of my favorite classes (Spin) taught by one of my favorite instructors.  I was a little nervous because I put on some weight since June and I wasn't sure what my body could handle regarding exercise.  I was welcomed with open arms by my instructor and a fellow "gym rat" (of course now I am just a gym rat wannabe).  My gym friend looked at me and said "Wow you look great".  I looked at her, thinking that she must be blind.  I said "Are you kidding?  I put on so much weight".  She said "That doesn't matter.  Your eyes are full of life.  You are glowing.  The last time I saw you, you were so stressed out.  Just say 'Thank you' and accept my complement".

As I mounted my bike and began spinning, I started to think about the past year.  One year ago this week, Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy.  In retrospect, this event had a profound effect on me and really set the stage for my year.  Economically our country was in for a rough ride (and still is with unemployment at record highs).  Personally, I really struggled all year with my exercise goals and my weight management.  I fought a lot this past year, with myself and others.  I couldn't get to where I wanted to be and at times I didn't even know where that was.  I was searching for something - but what and where?  By the time the summer came along, I couldn't do it anymore and I just gave up . . . or did I?

I unplugged.  I walked away from my struggle.  I "surrendered" to my circumstances.  I accepted who I was and just relaxed.  If I was able to get to the gym, great.  If I didn't and all I could do was go for a bike ride, fine.  I took a deep breath and "let it be".  So much made sense in the light of what my gym friend said.  I was banging my head against a wall trying to do something that I just couldn't and expending a lot of energy getting no where.  Letting go allowed me the time to rethink my efforts and approach them with a different frame of mind.

Nothing really has changed - on the outside.  I have returned to my gym (the same one).  I have returned to Weight Watchers and my Leader.  I am home.  However, my outlook (actually it is my in-look) has changed.  I don't berate myself for my sabbatical - those two months of "carefree living".  I surrendered to it because it was necessary.  I needed to regroup and rethink where I was and where I wanted to be.  Now I have the ability to approach my goals and aspirations without fighting but with acceptance, strength and courage.

So, go ahead and unplug . . . you might find your own BFF . . . yourself!

Can I be on a diet and eat my chocolate too??

There are foods that I can not have within my reach.  Specifically I am talking about Yodels and Mallomars (there are probably a couple of others not mentioned).  If I have a box of either of these "foods" in my house, I will eat the entire box.  It may take me an hour, it may take me a couple of hours but if I have a box of Yodels in my house, that box will be empty within 24 hours.  I am not kidding.  These foods are called "Red Light Foods".  They are dangerous.  I know which ones they are for me and you know which ones they are for you.

Then there are the other foods, like my peanut butter and fluff (not together but separate).  I can either use peanut butter for a quick breakfast on a light english muffin (and I can Spin on that) or I can have a little fluff on a graham cracker as dessert (very satisfying - remember that word - Satisfying).  However, if the wind changes direction, then I am eating peanut butter and fluff sandwiches - not good.

When I was in Italy this summer, I discovered dark chocolate made with hot pepper or chilis (Perugina and Lindt both have a version).  You get the same taste that you would with any high quality dark chocolate but at the end there is a little heat.  I found the same product here in the States (by Lindt) and I have two bars in the freezer.  This is a big bar of chocolate.  It has 10 squares.  The entire bar is 500 calories, 30 grams of fat and 8 grams of fiber.  One square is 50 calories and it is packed with flavor!

Satisfying? . . . VERY.  This time, I am trying to eat until I am satisfied, not full and certainly not STUFFED.  But that is a quantity issue.  My Lindt chocolate is a Quality issue.  Many times I have wanted to eat something (keep it clean) . . . like an ice cream sundae.  But since I was "on program" I couldn't.  So instead of just eating the damn sundae (small one please), I would eat other stuff which technically was ok - like a Weight Watcher's 2 point bar, but I would eat the entire box of bars.  The bars were not a red light food.  I ate them because I wasn't satisfied.  My stomach was "satisfied" or full (those bars have a lot of fiber).  But my taste buds were not because I really wanted an ice cream sundae.  To add insult to injury - chances were that I ended up eating that ice cream sometime during the week anyway.  Like the Rolling Stones said . . . . . I can't get no Satisfaction . . .

This time I am going to implement the idea from French Women Don't Get Fat.  Eat everything, but make sure it is high quality and eat only a little so that you are satisfied.  I am going to eat that chocolate if I want it.  It is going to be a high quality delicious chocolate.  I am going to eat one square and I am going to sit down and savor every bit of it.  While doing all of this . . . I AM GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT!

The proof will be in the scale . . .

If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and walks like a duck . . . .

Then it is a DIET! 

According to Webster's Dictionary, diet is defined as: 1. to cause to take food, 2. to cause to eat and drink sparingly or according to prescribed rules.

I have pondered this for quite some time.  Many programs, particularly Weight Watchers, attempt to create an illusion that I am changing my eating habits towards healthier eating.  The journey that I have embarked upon is a life long promise to eat better, healthier foods and to exercise regularly.  If I do this, I will lose weight and keep it off "for ever".  A part of me has bought into this and believes it, completely.  Diet is a "bad" word.  Diet is a short term fix which when applied to obese people, like me, is merely a band aid being put on a wound which requires surgery (I like analogies).

The truth is, I have, for most of my life, eaten healthy.  My problem is the "sparingly" part.  When I have been successful on Weight Watchers, I diet.  I just don't truly admit to dieting to myself or others.  I use the words, "I am on program", as if that is my personal code.  Interestingly enough, when I am "on program" I use a lot of products designed to help people, like me, lose weight.  There are so many on the market such as 100 calorie packs of cookies, chips, or crackers.  Weight Watchers also has many products in the supermarkets and at their centers as well. 

It is different this time.  This time I am on a diet.  I am eating and drinking sparingly and according to prescribed rules.  I am not using "gimicks" like the 100 calorie packs (not that there is anything wrong with them).  If I am hungry and it is not time for a meal, then I eat a piece of fruit or some yogurt.  I eat when I am hungry, not because I have extra points or I exercised or I am tired or . . . . . . .

I am on a diet.  It is ok to feel hungry (a little).  It is ok to tell people that I am on a diet.  It is ok to diet!

If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and walks like a duck . . . . it is a duck!

I am being TESTED!!!

Wow how time flies when you are BEING TESTED!!

I finally made it to Weight Watchers! I packed the kiddies off to school and away I went. It was nice going back; comfortable. I didn't see my regular leader but I did see the lovely woman who always weighed me in every week. I was so happy because I was finally taking control of my life.

I've been down this road before and I had an idea of what number was going to come up on that scale. I kept on telling myself that the number did not matter. I needed to focus on what I was going to do on a day to day basis. The number would follow.

Was it shocking? No. Have I seen that number before? Yes, a couple of times (which means it wasn't the highest). I didn't even look at it until I got home later in the afternoon.

OK - who am I kidding?? Of course the number matters!! We live our entire life "by numbers". Look at your annual visit to the doctor. The first thing she does is take your blood to test for all sorts of things and how does she measure those things?? NUMBERS!!! That is how we account for everything in life! HOWEVER!!! I know myself. If I focus on the number - on the "end game" - then I will not succeed. I play tennis. When I am playing my best tennis, I usually don't know what the score is (or at least I have to think about it). If I focus on the actual point (see the irony of my life - point in tennis - points in Weight Watchers) instead of the set or match, I play much better. That is because I am focusing on my footwork, the way I track the ball, the way I am hitting the ball - all the things that make a good shot and eventually result in winning the point. The same applies to "dieting" (I'll get back to the word). If I am vigilant about what I eat and I keep track of my consumption, the weight comes off! It is the planning and the good habits that will get me (have gotten me) to where I want to be.

PLANNING - very important! In preparation for my return to a "healthy lifestyle", I prepared some very delicious healthy foods to have on hand. Life does get hectic, especially the first week of school. I must be prepared. This means I must have healthy options available. Otherwise, if I am hungry and there is nothing to eat in the house - I will revert back to that peanut butter. So I planned and prepared and when I was hungry, I had good options to choose from.

So you might be thinking "why is the title of this blog 'I am being TESTED!!!'" Tuesday night my son was out with his uncle until late. They went to the US Open and didn't return until past midnight. I had to wait up for them. Instead of doing something like reading a book or magazine, surfing the web, or watching TV, guess what I did? I ate. I fell off the wagon. What I should have been doing was sleeping. I was tired and when I get tired my defenses drop. So I ate some cereal with milk, some of my favorite peanut butter on bread with fluff and a couple of handfuls of dry roasted peanuts.

The next morning I felt terrible. I kept telling myself "Life isn't perfect and these things happen. Just get right back on track." And I Did. I didn't eat very much the next day, probably because I was too full (and guilty) about the night before. Something clicked and I was back on track.

The next day my son got sick and stayed home. My computer started giving me some problems and then suddenly "crashed" (I'm writing this on my son's computer). I spent the day taking care of him and trying to get my own computer back up and running. Luckily, I had good choices on hand to eat from and I knew that going off track would do nothing for me, my son, or my computer. It would just add to my stress. I feel a little hungry and you know what?? That is ok because I am on a diet and I am trying to lose weight and eat healthy and it is all ok . . .

. . . . I think I passed . . . .

DAMN - Am I Being Tested?????

I've been blogging for about a week now. And finally I am ready to take the plunge and "get back on the wagon", "pay the piper", "get back on track", etc. I'm going to Weight Watchers and face the scale!!! Now, some of you know exactly what I am talking about. I've taken a little sabatical . . . ok, a BIG sabatical. But I have to get back on track and today (despite it being Monday) is the day.


I get into my car - actually I drive a Toyota 4Runner. I have my daughter with me and we are ready! I have my monthly pass and my old weight tracker. She has her Nintendo DS to keep her occupied during the meeting. I've bribed her (as has my husband) with a manicure and pedicure if she behaves and lets Mommy attend the meeting. My husband has told her to be good and make sure Mommy listens to everything the Leader has to say. We are off.


I notice that the gas tank isn't exactly full and since I have some extra time before my meeting begins, I decide to take a small detour to the local gas station to fill up. I'm very happy because I know how much better I will feel and eventually look as I begin my "diet". The attendant fills up the tank and hands me my receipt. I look down at the dashboard and turn the key . . . .


click click click click



What? What is going on?? Maybe I have the transmission in the wrong gear . . . No, I am in park . . . what is happening. I try again . . .



Click Click Click Click


Shit. I'm all psyched about going to this meeting. It is with my favorite Leader and I can't believe this is happening. I don't understand. I try again . . . .


CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK


The attendant pushes my truck out of the way of the gas pump, with the help of a very nice customer. Luckly, the gas station isn't far from my house so I collect my items, including my daughter, and start to head home, on foot, while calling my husband on his cell phone.


Now there is no way I am going to make this meeting. We pass by the local 7-eleven on the way home and my daughter wants a soda so we stop in. I'm thinking that it was silly to think about starting on a Monday anyway. How much this really stinks and how psyched I was to get back on track. Then I realize something and I tell myself


"This is life my dear. Sometimes things do not work out as we plan."


I get myself out of the 7-eleven ASAP - it is lunch time and I don't need any temptations. I started off the day awesome with a cup of yogurt, toast and jam. We will walk home and I will fix a healthy lunch.


It turns out the the car is just fine. My husband took a look at it and it started immediately. He did some "manly automobile stuff" to it and it was fine for the rest of the day. I really think that I was being tested. I was faced with two roads. Afterall, it was the first day and no one would know. I could have just continued my "summer ways" - but - I would know! And when was I supposed to start??? Now, is the answer. "My Leader always says - you are one meal away from getting back on track." I was already on track. So what, the car didn't work and I missed my meeting - I'll just go tomorrow but that doesn't mean that I can't start today.


My daughter and I had egg white omletts for lunch with low calorie english muffins. As a snack I had some Edamame (soy beans). And for dinner I had an awesome salad with grilled chicken. I even treated myself to a 1/2 and ounce of dark chocolate (it is very satisfying)! And the best part is that I feel very satisfied and happy that I didn't let some silly detour ruin my plans. We will go for that Mani/Pedi next weekend and by then I know I will be lighter and feeling so very fine!!! And so I will face the scale tomorrow! It is not going anywhere but I am!!

Sushi Buffet!

My husband says to me the other night "Hey, do you want to take the kids out for dinner tonight?". Well, I didn't really have anything special planned for dinner and I certainly enjoy going out myself so "Sure, where to?".



We really enjoy Japanese food. We have a couple of local places that we go to fairly often. One of them is call Minado and it is a Japanese Buffet. It is a chain so perhaps you have been to one. The food is very good. The sushi is fresh. The selection is enormous. Except for really exotic Japanese Food, they have almost everything. So we pack up the kids and off we go.


We all eat a decent amount, after all, it is a buffet! I eat until I am full. I should be eating until I am satisfied but I rush right by that and arrive at full. And I am proud that I didn't go further and end up at STUFFED!

We head on home and after about an hour my husband says to me "I noticed that you ate a lot tonight. Are you eating more so that you can blog about it?" Wow! That is very interesting and very insightful and I am not entirely sure that it isn't true. But what I think is happening is this.

I am - I must stop this insanity. I'm not going to "start" dieting until Tuesday (ok, probably Monday) and by the way - I hate using that word - diet - but that is another post. So there is this gap between deciding to diet and actually starting. During this "gap" I feel like I've got to "grab the gusto" and enjoy while I still can. Like I'm never going to eat again. Isn't that silly??

So it becomes a ridiculous situation. Instead of having to lose "just" XX pounds, during this period I put on another 5 or 10. What am I doing? It is this strange mentality that so many foodies face. Sort of like "Oh well, I ate a cookie and blew my diet today so I might as well go out and eat an entire apple pie (alla mode of course)."

Maybe it is a way of making myself so sick that starting a "diet" (oh, there is that word again) will be a welcome change. In fact, I am really looking forward to eating healthy and in NORMAL PORTIONS! It is definitely something to think about! It is important to figure these things out so that when I eat the cookie I accept it and NOT EAT THE PIE ALLA MODE!

The bottom line is this - it is Monday - Labor Day. Although I don't like starting anything on a Monday (yes - that too is another blog), it is time to pay the piper. Wish me luck and read on!

The proof is in the beach chair

Labor Day Weekend . . . Ahh, the end of summer. Some people absolutely LOVE the summer. Going to the beach; hanging out poolside; lazy days lounging in the sun; BBQs in the backyard; biking; hiking; tennis; all of those outdoor sports. I like the summer. It is nice not to have the pressure of fixing lunches, doing homework and driving the kids around to all of their activities. But summer, for me, usually means that I gain weight. Beginning in May, right around Memorial Day, I begin to experience some anxiety. This comes from knowing that some how, I will have to keep my children occupied while trying to maintain my own exercise and healthy eating habits.

Some of you are probably wondering "how did she gain so much weight". Well, the answer is and isn't easy. It doesn't happen all at once. It creeps on slowly. Most people have different ways of checking their "weight". I know of one woman who never weighs herself. She goes shopping. She doesn't go to buy things - she just tries them on. When she tries on her desired size and finds that the article of clothing is tight - she diets.

The next question is - when do you "put on the brakes"? Or as I like to say "when do the lights start flashing"?? Again, some people freak at gaining 5 pounds. We have all read those post holiday magazine articles "How to take off those 5 (or 10) holiday pounds". And that is exactly how it starts - the only difference is - I never took off the holiday pounds, or the summer pounds, or the "I had a bad weekend" pounds . . . Get it?

So I used to be a size 12 (I even fit into a couple of 10s at one point). Then my 12s got tight but I had a size 12 that still fit (it must have stretched). So I get on the wagon and try to loose the weight . . . but I don't. Now I am wearing stretchy pants because my clothes don't fit and of course I threw out all of my "fat clothes" because I was "never going to gain the weight back". Eventually I break down because I can't wear sweats all of the time (oh believe me, I have tried). I purchase some 14s. Now the pressure to lose the weight is off . . . until . . . shit, now the 14s are getting tight. I go out to purchase some more clothes and I find 14s that fit (they are what I like to call "big" 14s) and maybe I break down and pick up a 16 that I really like. OK - now that is enough - I mean 16 is the foray into Plus Size! After that you can't buy in mainstream stores!!! So now I struggle for a couple of years. I even did a triathlon one June in an effort to motivate myself into losing the weight (it worked - I looked great that June). But as the struggle wore on, the weight came back.

This summer I didn't even try. Maybe it was because I struggled all winter long and just didn't have the energy or "want power" as they say in my Weight Watchers class. I knew I was in trouble when I went out to buy some more new clothes. I didn't need new clothes, my closet is full! I needed bigger clothes, again, because I had a few social events coming up, including a summer trip to Italy and I didn't have anything to wear (except for those very worn stretchy pants). I bought size 18 and they were loose (and I was grateful). By the end of the summer, my 18s were not loose anymore and neither was my beach chair!


Is it Tuesday yet???

Less is More

The other day I went to the grocery store to pick up some items for the weekend. It was Labor Day weekend and I was taking the kiddies to the beach.


Usually, during the year I don't buy a lot of soda, It is reserved for holidays or guests. But today, I really wanted some soda, So off I go to the local Waldbaums. Much to my delight the brand of soda I usually buy is on sale; 5 cases for something. But you see, I really don't want 5 cases, I only want 3 cases - my three favorite flavors. The problem is this; when I have soda in the house, my kids only drink soda. I have read and heard so many bad things about soda - it robs your bones of calcium, it can actually make you fat (diet soda) because of the way the body metabolizes it, it is used in nursing homes as a laxative (yes - that was a strange one) and very simply, when I am drinking soda, I am not drinking water and it doesn't take a PhD to know that water is better for you than soda.


So I take my 3 cases to the check out counter and of course the person at the register (no, Waldbaums doesn't have automated check out counters yet) asks me if I want to go back to get two cases because the soda is on sale. My response is a polite "No thank you, I only want 3 cases" and then it hits me . . . Less is more!


A couple of years ago I read an awesome book called "French Women Don't get Fat" by Mireille Guiliano. My "Sista" recommended it to me and you should read it! The premise is that you should eat everything - even chocolate - but only a little of it. This way, your craving is satisfied but you don't get fat. I don't mean to minimize the book and I apologize to Ms. Guiliano because there is a lot more to it than just that - so, read the book.


Why do we always want more??? I think it is embedded in our culture. After all, our ancestors came here, to the US, for one purpose - to get more - more space, more freedom, more education, more money. Think about your own ancestors - I bet they wanted more of something. Now think about our society. Everything is "super"; Super Size, Super Stores, Over Sized Cars to carry our "Plus" Size bodies.


One of my favorite lyrics comes from a Sheryl Crow song Soak up the Sun: "It's not having what you want It's wanting what you've got"


. . . Less is more.

US Open in NYC 2009

Yesterday I went to the US Open (Tennis) with my 2 children and one of their friends. The US Open is a big NYC event! It is held in Flushing Meadow Park at the Billie Jean King Tennis Center in Queens. For so many, going to "The Open" (as it is commonly referred to in "in" company) is not about tennis, it is more about being there, being seen, telling everyone that you were there and of course, buying a t-shirt to prove to everyone that you were there. One thing that struck me, so many years ago, the first time that I went to "The Open" is the consumption. Open goers consume and consume and consume. I'm not even talking about the high end restaurants, some of which are reserved only for those holding "high end" tickets. I am talking about the food village and various kiosks all over the grounds. And then there are the Grey Goose and Heineken bars. One table of "tennis fans" who were getting very loud and rowdy were actually stacking their empty martini glasses into a pyramid.

So let me back up for those of you who have not experienced this NYC scene. The food court has every type of food imaginable; Carnegie Deli, Classic Burger, Crepes Express, Cuppa Spotta (coffee bar), Deli and Salad Express, Franks and Fries, Fresca Mexicana, Fulton Seafood, Glatt Kosher Cart, Grey Goose Bar, New Delhi Spice, Pasta & Pizza, Philly Cheese Steak & Tenders, and Sushi.

When we went to the food village for lunch, it was packed. We waited in line for 30 minutes to order our food (we ended up at the Philly Cheese Steak and Tenders booth). This was at about 1:30-2:00 in the afternoon. It was a sea full of "tennis fans". Lunch, which consisted of 2 Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches, three orders of fries and one order of chicken tenders and 4 waters set me back about $62. That didn't include the Ben and Jerry ice cream at $5 each and the extra water and Gatorade we drank during the day!

There were some "real" fans who brought lunch with them and ate in the stands. We had seats in Louis Armstrong Stadium. We sat in front of a group of elderly gentlemen. Clearly from their conversation I could tell that they had been at The Open many many times. I believe that they only left their seats for a stretch or bathroom break as they "brown bagged" their lunch. Not a bad idea!

So what did I do? I consumed! I ate my Philly Cheese Steak, Fries and Ben and Jerry ice cream. I didn't drink any beer or martinis as I was driving home and had in my care three minors. I bought my t-shirt and although this is by far my favorite NYC event of the year, I yearned for the Tuesday after Labor Day when I would happily march into my old Weight Watchers meeting and finally face the scale (aka pay the piper)!

I am brain dead . . . Is the summer over yet???

I like the summer but too much of a good thing is never good.


I am an "at home mom", so my year tracks the school year. When my kids are home I lose a lot of the structure that I try so hard to implement during the school year. I like structure. I like having a schedule. Sure, I enjoy those lazy days of summer, lounging around poolside or on the shore. I like a cold beer or Mike's Hard Lemonade and a juicy burger off the grill. But eventually all of those indulgences results in the state that I am in now - I am brain dead.

Let me explain. I struggle with my weight. I do very well during the school year because I am busy . . . busy running a household, busy volunteering for various organizations, busy going to the gym and Weight Watchers, busy playing tennis, busy taking care of my husband and 2 children. When I am not "busy" and I am just "hanging out" I am usually eating. That is what I do when I am bored. I cook (for example I'll make Pasta Carbonara for lunch) and I eat what I cook (by the way - I am a good cook).


This summer I spent 3 weeks in Italy. I have a lot of family there and I decided to take my kids to meet my relatives (Aunts, Uncles and cousins). My Uncle asked me "why do you Americans have an obesity problem in the USA?". Good question. The easy answer is "we eat too much". Now let me tell you, Italians can eat and they eat very Very VERY well! But . . . they really don't eat that much. And . . . (listen carefully) . . . they DON'T SNACK!!! They also don't eat junk. They eat food that is in season which also means fresh which also means unprocessed! My husband always says that our processed foods contains a lot of high fructose corn syrup which is what is making our people so fat. Stop and read the labels.


OK - so what has this to do with me being brain dead? Weight is the root of all evil. Start paying attention. Obesity has been linked to cancer, heart disease, diabetes, just to name a few. The bottom line for me is this - when I eat what I call "whole foods" - things that are natural and not processed and when I exercise, I feel better, I sleep better, I am in a better mood. When I eat "crap" - processed foods - and I don't exercise, I don't feel well, I become lethargic, nasty, tired, bloated. I don't look good. My skin gets blotchy at best and of course I break out at worst (yes, even at 46 I still get pimples). When I don't eat well and I don't exercise for a long period of time - I become brain dead.

Day 1

Today is September 1 - a first for many things. How many times do we begin a new?? Usually we start new things on January 1 but I am an "at home Mom" so my "New Year" coincides with the beginning of school. This year school begins way too late for me so I will begin on September 1.

I am a 46 year old woman who has struggled with my weight all of my life. Many times I have been very successful at losing a lot of weight . . . I mean A LOT OF WEIGHT! Once, after the birth of my daughter, I lost 126 pounds . . . 126 POUNDS - that is a person!! At that time, I used to measure my weight loss by my children ("I've lost one child" . . . "I've lost two children"). I even got to the point where I lost a sister-in-law!!! Unfortunately, I have been just as successful at gaining the weight back which is why I have begun this blog!

So, here is the bottom line - I'm doing this blog as a way to incentivize myself to lose weight because that is really what I want to do. It is not a "how to" blog because there are so many of those out there - blogs, websites, programs - and the truth is (here is the secret so pay attention) in order to lose weight you have to (here it comes . . . are you ready??) . . . eat less and move more! That's it! Anyone can do it!!! Right? RIGHT!!!! RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!

So this blog is about me - a food addict. I don't eat because I am hungry. I eat for so many other reasons; I am bored, I am upset, I am happy, I am angry, I am depressed, I am celebrating, I am giving love, I am getting love, I am entertaining . . . get the point?

I want to shed some light on the reasons why I eat. Maybe by doing this I will realize how STUPID I am. Maybe I can "stop the insanity" - remember that chick on TV?? If you go on this journey with me you will definitely get some laughs and maybe, if you have a food problem "Hi, my name is Christina and I am a food addict" you might find your own way out of this bag of chips.

OK - so here we go and I hope we have a good time on this ride - remember, it is all in the journey!