Non Scale Victories

I have a confession to make. This past Monday, I weighed in at Weight Watchers. I lost weight - about 2 pounds. But when I saw my total weight number, what I weigh, I got really depressed. It was strange because I felt like all of the effort I put into being healthy and eating right and exercising should have resulted in a greater loss. My logic is - when I over eat and binge - the weight gain is always much bigger than 2 pounds. So, on Monday afternoon, I did what I have been doing my whole life when I get depressed - I ate. Luckily, since I am getting stronger, not only in my body but also in my mind, I was able to stop eating before it became a total free-fall.

I went back to my healthy eating habits on Tuesday and re-read the chapter on Week 1 from my "new" book Eating Awareness Training.

Thursday and Friday something really lovely happened. Thursday I took a spin class followed by yoga and Friday I took a yoga class. During and after these classes, particularly during Thursday's spin and after Friday's yoga, I felt stronger and taller than I have felt in a long time. My posture has improved and I feel like my abdominal muscles are actually tighter. I walk with my head held higher and my outlook on life - every day activities, even TRAFFIC - has changed. Something happened this week. Maybe it was the 100 forward bends I have done over the last two months. Maybe it is the miles and miles I have spun on my bike. Maybe it was listening to Simon and Garfunkel. I just feel so much more at peace and accepting of where I am right now in this journey.

I won't kid myself - that number still bothers me! But driving through McDonald's isn't going to improve the situation. I need to accept the number, embrace it and continue sticking my "rump" up to the stars in Downward Dog. I need to get on that bike and "ride like the wind" into the sunset. I need to fuel my body and mind with energy producing healthy foods, not junk!

So if you notice that perhaps I am a little taller today and perhaps glowing a little more than usual - well I am!


And that is what we call a non scale victory!

I think I have ADD!

I am not poking fun at anyone who actually has Attention Deficit Disorder but, I rarely do one thing at a time. To make myself feel better I call it "Multi-tasking". What it really is, is "cramming too much in too little time".

I guess this goes back to my blog about slowing down. It is also about living in the present and focusing on what I am doing instead of doing what I am doing and focusing on what I have to do next. Do you know where I am going with this??? Since reading this new book, I realize that I never just eat. I am always doing something else besides eating. Some examples are, watching the news, making lunches for my kids, driving to tennis, answering email, surfing the web, writing a blog or even just staring out the window. This past week I've been thinking a lot about how I approach my life. So often, I am not in the moment at all! And the funny thing is - I'm trying to be.

So my goal this week is to truly live in the moment. Do one thing at a time instead of 2 or 3 (how many times have you been on the phone, with the TV on, answering your e-mail??).

Here is a quote I heard today . . . and it is a good one!

"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure." Colin Powell

and if that one isn't good enough here is another one

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work."

Colin Powell

Honey, we have to talk.

Have you ever heard those words? Perhaps you have said them. These words are usually exchanged between two people who are in a serious relationship. Anytime I have heard or said those words, it has meant that the relationship isn't going very well. It means that I must make a change and it is going to be a difficult one (of course, if I am hearing those words then my partner is the one invoking the change).

I have spent a lot of time this week thinking about just that - Changing the relationship I have with food. I mean really really looking at how we (food and I) interact, the role that food has in my life. I have thought about the amount of attention I give to food and how often I ignore food. I've thought about how I use food to provide me with what I want but not necessarily what I need. OK, it sounds strange and you are probably thinking - "she has finally gone off the deep end" - but, it is true.

I've been to a clairvoyant woman a couple of times. Once she read my aura at a "Get Your Aura Read" party one of my girlfriends had. Once she read my Tarot Cards at Lord & Taylor. She is very interesting and the things she has said to me on both of these occasions really were significant. One thing in particular that she often says is something like this. "What ever you need, the universe will provide to you as long as you open yourself up and visualize exactly where you want to be in your life." Interesting . . . I happen to believe in this type of "stuff" and I have often thought of what she said.

So here I am, obsessing about food - my relationship with food - how if fits into my life - what I allow it to do to me - etc. etc. Then comes along my new favorite Yoga teacher and I begin to tell her about this blog and my "food issue". As if a black hole in the universe suddenly opened, she looked at me and said "I have just the book for you". And she did. (Do you believe yet?).

The book is out of print so if you want it, you have to order it online. It is called Eating Awareness Training by Molly Groger. When I read the introduction, I felt as if this woman wrote exactly what I have been thinking. The book really spoke to me because it is all about eating with your body and not with your mind. It is something I have been heading towards - listening to when I am hungry and eating (even if I eat beyond my daily points). Conversely, I also don't have to eat all of my daily points if I am not hungry. The writer also suggests that when I eat, I eat and not do anything else. I am amazed at how many times I eat without even thinking about what I am eating or enjoying the experience of what I am eating. In other words, when I eat, I should not be reading, watching TV, thinking about the laundry, thinking about my kids or my tennis game. I should be thinking about eating. This is some serious living in the present. Don't misunderstand me, I am doing Weight Watchers so I am always tracking what I am eating - but very often, when I eat, I am usually doing something else and shoving the food into my mouth, not really thinking about how it tastes or the texture or how I feel (hungry, satisfied, full). Instead, I should eat my meals as if I were a judge on "Iron Chef America". Believe me, it is a lot tougher than it sounds!

I'll keep you posted on how it goes . . . . .

Why are the brakes in the car so worn???

My husband has frequently asked me "why are the brakes so worn in your car?". I laugh and usually respond "Gee Honey, I don't know."

Have you ever noticed that 5 minutes makes a big difference in your life?? It does in my life. One of the things I LOVE about writing this blog (besides sharing my thoughts with all of my readers) is being able to go back and read what I wrote. I always wanted to keep a diary but I never was consistent about it and when I did re-read what I wrote, I found that a lot of the time it was just a stream of consciousness. Since I spend a lot of time writing and re-writing this blog, my writing is much more concise - at least I try to make it that way. Lately, I have been feeling that tight "pit in my stomach" "head achy" feeling that I had before my summer vacation. I started to feel like I was "fighting" again. I was getting really wound up and I didn't like how that felt. I went back and re-read "Unplugged" and I realized that I was very close to being in that up-tight place that I was before. YUCK!! So I took a deep breath and focused on "getting out of there".

Whenever I come back from vacation, I spend a lot of time thinking of how I can simulate that "vacation like" feeling into my everyday life. Even though I am home and I do have my work to do, why can't I do it in a more relaxed way? What makes the difference?? Time is the difference. When I am on vacation, I have time to relax, time to sleep, time to do what I want or feel like doing. That is the main difference. The most relaxing vacation is going to a place where there is not much to do; like an island in the Caribbean. All you can do is go the the beach, frolic in the water and relax. More active vacations like skiing or sightseeing are great also but certainly more work. So how do I "vacation" in my normal life?

The answer is in one little word . . . prioritize. I must do what is important to me and my family and forget the rest! Not necessarily in order of importance I must: exercise, go to Weight Watchers, keep my home in order, prepare healthy delicious meals for my family, parent my children, be a supportive spouse to my husband and take care of myself. I remember this Mom who had a daughter in the same pre-school as my daughter. When I asked her to volunteer for an extra event, she looked at me and said "Christina, Less is More". I really didn't understand at the time (she had 5 children and her daughter was the youngest) but now I sure do!

In the words of Simon and Garfunkel . . . "Slow down, you move too fast, you have to make the morning last just, kicking down the cobble stones, looking for fun and Feelin' Groovy . . . "

Don't you feel better just hearing that song?? (LOVE GARFUNKEL"S HAIR)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e36gLfrmRCw

(If the link doesn't work just go directly to youtube to hear the

song - sorry - Tech difficulties)

No Antipasto for you!

I often tell my children that one of the most important things to have in life are options. No, not the financial instruments sold on the market, but everyday options. These can be as simple as many friends to choose from or sports to play or books to read. These options become particularly important as my children grow. The more major ones are such things as a choice of a college or eventually the luxury (these days) of having a choice of job or vocation.

I have been very fortunate in my life. Some might even describe my life as privileged. Don't misunderstand, I've had my share of tough times but I have also been blessed with a supportive husband, fabulous children, great brothers, even better sister-in-laws, good friends and many options to choose from. I was raised by a remarkable woman. She was the most intelligent person I have ever met. She instilled in me a belief that I could do anything. I am not kidding! I never believed in my entire life that any endeavor or goal was too great for me to achieve. The older I get, the more I realize that this belief is incredibly powerful and dangerous.

What my Mom did not teach me was that the ability to accomplish whatever I desired came with a price and that sometimes, that price was just too high. Options are very important but so is the ability to evaluate those options and make the best choice for ourselves. This choice may not be "the best" for everyone or in every one's eyes. However, it is the choice that will make us happy and allow us to succeed based upon our own standards. Furthermore, as important as it is to receive our peer's validation, we must also be able to provide ourselves with validation and acceptance that the choices we make are best for us.

I have spent a lot of my life "doing it all". At one time, it was important to me and the sheer accomplishment of whatever I was doing was enough. Over time, I have lost myself in this quest. I don't want to do it all. If I must, of course I can. I know that, my mother told me so. But the price is very very high.

So here I am, at the very beginning of the Holiday Season, 20 days from Thanksgiving and all of the hysteria that goes with those two months leading to New Year's Day. But this year will be different. I have many options, thanks to my husband and my children and my Mom. This year I will choose very carefully and wisely. My time is a precious commodity - one that becomes even more precious with its passing.

I will choose to exercise every day. I will choose not to bake 10 batches of cookies. I will choose to eat healthy every day. I will choose to give all of our teachers, instructors and coaches store bought gifts, not "homemade" ones. I will choose to take care of myself, my husband and my children. And on Christmas Eve, I will choose to be by my husband's side, reading "The Night Before Christmas" to my children and I will choose not to be running around the house finishing all of those ridiculous projects that I didn't need to start. I will choose to weigh less on January 2 than I weigh today and I will choose to be happy and well rested.

So, no excuses, no apologies and NO ANTIPASTO ON THANKSGIVING FOR YOU!

Happy Holidays!

Dear Santa . . . .

And so begins the annual spiraling holiday journey. It all starts innocently enough. A couple of cute little children dressed in their Halloween costumes ringing the doorbell for their customary treat. Then we slide into Thanksgiving filled to the brim with buttery potatoes, delicious stuffing, overflowing pies and gravy . . . lots and lots of gravy. Do you know what gravy is? I make gravy from scratch and I've been told that I make really good gravy and I must agree after trying some other people's gravy, mine is AWESOME. To make gravy, I start with all of the fat drippings which dripped or melted off the turkey that I just cooked. I cook that fat over a medium flame and I add flour to the fat and let it cook, constantly whisking it with a whisk. Then, after about 3 to 5 minutes, I add chicken stock, whisking quickly. The stock mixed with the fried fat and flour creates this delectable sauce which is velvety and rich with flavor. Sorry - I went off on a tangent.

Thanksgiving is quickly followed by Christmas. That is the "big Kahuna" of Holidays. Christmas is not a one day deal like Thanksgiving. Christmas lasts FOREVER! First there is all of the shopping . . . at the mall . . . with that terrible food court and those pesky Auntie Anne pretzels. I mean REALLY - you might as well just go to the supermarket and eat a stick of butter with a slice of bread and chase it with some lemon water. You would save about $5 too! And I never have any time during the "Holiday Season" because I am running around, shopping and baking (yes - I bake cookies which I then wrap up in pretty cellophane and ribbons and hand out to teachers, instructors, coaches, etc.). Time becomes a rare commodity. Of course when this happens, I usually give up my healthy options such as exercising, sleeping and eating healthy. All of this adds up to a very grumpy me and the eventual holiday weight gain.

So here I am, January 2nd, fat and depressed and looking at my "New Year's Resolution" list (I don't kid myself with January 1st because that is the tail of the Christmas Holiday). Let me tell you, if Halloween was any indication of how the rest of the Holiday season is going to go . . . OUCH! I don't remember eating so much candy in years. It was ugly.

So, how do I deal with this? How do I put myself first and the rest of the world last? How do I make sure that I get on that scale on January 2nd lighter than I am right now??? And how do I do all of this without fighting or stressing. How do I do this with love and acceptance not only of who I am but acceptance and love of everyone around me. (BIG SIGH)

Maybe I should write a letter to Santa . . . .