Family Bonds

Last summer I spent some time in Italy with my family; Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and my two children. My Uncle asked me one day, “Why are so many Americans obese?”

I think of that question a lot, especially in regards to my own struggles. I don’t think there is one answer. I think that when we start to look at our society, our extended family, what we eat and the ways we eat, the answers begin to materialize.

I wonder what happened to the extended family in America. Both my parents are deceased however, I do have two brothers that I am very close to. I am also very close to my sister-in-law. Through these relationships, I gain support and insight into the daily challenges of life, marriage, children, and friends. However, I often wonder how different my life would be if one or both of my parents were still alive.

In Europe, families often live in the same town. Adult children stay close to their parents. This creates an unbelievable support system; you can always call a grandparent to pitch in with the kids. Children are physically and emotionally close to their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and grow up with a strong family bond. Parents are living examples of how or how not an adult child could model their own life. Of course, it isn’t always great. Obviously there will be disagreements but when the shit hits the fan, blood is thicker than water.

I wonder how many families in America have that family support system. I have always been intrigued by the hit HBO show (and subsequent movies) “Sex and the City”. I can only remember two instances during all of the show’s seasons, where a family member of any of the four major characters ever appeared in their lives. Both were for the character Miranda Hobbs (played by Cynthia Nixon) and both were negative. One episode had Miranda going back home to attend a funeral. During her visit, she deals with the sad and disappointed comments and looks from her hometown friends and family regarding her unmarried status. None of them acknowledge her professional success as an attorney. This infuriates her. Of course her BFF (Carrie) comes to the rescue. Later in the series, Miranda must deal with an aging mother-in-law who is beginning to battle the first signs of Alzheimer's. Other than these two instances (please correct me if I am wrong), the series never had any immediate family members involved in the four main characters’ lives.

I wonder how accurately this show reflects the real lives of the average American? Have we lost the support network of past generations? I don’t have that resource to tap into anymore. Once my mother died, that door closed for me. Sure I have plenty of friends and family but not with the wisdom and insight only a person from my parents' generation would possess.

The question then becomes, without the emotional support often provided from immediate family members, especially parents, am I turning to food to fill a void, an emptiness which at this point in my life remains unfulfilled??