Stop the Wheel - I want to get off!

Do you ever feel like the hamster on that squeaky wheel?? Running running running but going nowhere . . . fast??

It is October 7. Our schedules are set for this school year and although I only have two children, I feel like I’ve totally over booked us. I keep on buying healthy food that I intend to cook for dinner but then I forget that we are always on the run so dinner never gets made and all of that healthy food goes to waste (really a shame). Not that I am not eating healthy but I am doing a lot of take-out. I think I need a reality check!

What is a girl to do when life gets so hectic? A WW leader I once had used to wear a pair of baby sneakers around her neck. The message was simple; Baby Steps. I need to match my actions with my reality. This doesn’t mean I need to abandon my healthy living commitment. I just need to find different ways to accomplish this very important task. Baby Steps. Some things are not to be passed up - like exercise. Other things can be passed up. It is a question of prioritizing my life and doing what I need to do to feel better on the inside and the outside. Baby Steps.

By the way - I lost 0.2 pounds this week. I had a little indiscretion over the weekend - specifically Saturday. My husband and I took the kids to his old alma mater - Rutgers - for Homecoming. Well take it from me - don’t drink beer on an empty stomach (yes we tailgated) because eventually you get really hungry and those hot dogs (pretzels, popcorn, etc.) all become much to appealing! Hopefully I’ll make up for it this week . . . . stay tuned!

Zumba, Smartbells and a Massage

This was a good week! Wednesday was my birthday. I am like a kid on my birthday. I want lots of good wishes and of course, I want to be treated special. This year, I decided to get a massage on the anniversary of my birth.

Now I must back up a couple of days. Since the children have been back in school, I have been spending more time at the gym. This week I decided to take two classes that I never have taken before; Zumba and Smartbells.

Monday morning I go to Zumba. The great thing about aging is the perspective I acquire with each passing year. Zumba is very similar to the old fashioned aerobics classes, only with faster more dance-like steps and latin music. Since my next stop that Monday morning, after Zumba was my weekly weigh-in, I gave it all I had. Unfortunately, I did’t have very much and what I ended up doing was aggravating an old injury; tendonitis in my knee.

Tuesday morning I woke up to a swollen and tight knee. I resolve right then and there that I would return to my Orthopedist and get some physical therapy. Of course, I didn’t call.

Wednesday I go to my massage and as a precaution, I tell the masseuse about my knee. Well, this woman had hands of gold. She told me that what I had was simply inflammation of the tendons. If I iced my knee regularly, especially after exertion, and I massaged the tendons around the knee, I would relieve the inflammation and help to restore circulation to the area which would enable the body to re-absorb the fluids. And, I would not have any more pain. She also told me to lay off the crazy classes and be more selective!

Sure enough, Thursday morning my knee felt much better. I went to the gym to take Smartbells Conditioning. This is much more of a strength class with weights, a smartbell (which is also a weight) and lots of planks for core work. I was careful not to do any lunges and after the class, I asked for a bag of ice to ice my knee. So fortunately, the only parts of my body which are sore today are the right parts - my butt and legs!

This is a smartbell.

By the way, if you are wondering, I lost 2.4 pounds this week. I guess Zumba paid off!

Family Bonds

Last summer I spent some time in Italy with my family; Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and my two children. My Uncle asked me one day, “Why are so many Americans obese?”

I think of that question a lot, especially in regards to my own struggles. I don’t think there is one answer. I think that when we start to look at our society, our extended family, what we eat and the ways we eat, the answers begin to materialize.

I wonder what happened to the extended family in America. Both my parents are deceased however, I do have two brothers that I am very close to. I am also very close to my sister-in-law. Through these relationships, I gain support and insight into the daily challenges of life, marriage, children, and friends. However, I often wonder how different my life would be if one or both of my parents were still alive.

In Europe, families often live in the same town. Adult children stay close to their parents. This creates an unbelievable support system; you can always call a grandparent to pitch in with the kids. Children are physically and emotionally close to their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and grow up with a strong family bond. Parents are living examples of how or how not an adult child could model their own life. Of course, it isn’t always great. Obviously there will be disagreements but when the shit hits the fan, blood is thicker than water.

I wonder how many families in America have that family support system. I have always been intrigued by the hit HBO show (and subsequent movies) “Sex and the City”. I can only remember two instances during all of the show’s seasons, where a family member of any of the four major characters ever appeared in their lives. Both were for the character Miranda Hobbs (played by Cynthia Nixon) and both were negative. One episode had Miranda going back home to attend a funeral. During her visit, she deals with the sad and disappointed comments and looks from her hometown friends and family regarding her unmarried status. None of them acknowledge her professional success as an attorney. This infuriates her. Of course her BFF (Carrie) comes to the rescue. Later in the series, Miranda must deal with an aging mother-in-law who is beginning to battle the first signs of Alzheimer's. Other than these two instances (please correct me if I am wrong), the series never had any immediate family members involved in the four main characters’ lives.

I wonder how accurately this show reflects the real lives of the average American? Have we lost the support network of past generations? I don’t have that resource to tap into anymore. Once my mother died, that door closed for me. Sure I have plenty of friends and family but not with the wisdom and insight only a person from my parents' generation would possess.

The question then becomes, without the emotional support often provided from immediate family members, especially parents, am I turning to food to fill a void, an emptiness which at this point in my life remains unfulfilled??

Weekends and Weigh-Ins

Oh no! It is Sunday night and I did the unthinkable!!! I ate Chinese Food the night before a weigh-in. What was I thinking?

Actually, the whole day was a slippery slope. We planned to spend the day in NYC to visit family. We were running late this morning and I didn’t have time to eat breakfast so I stopped by Dunkin’ Donuts for one of those egg white flat bread sandwiches which, I thought was a good choice. Not that it was a bad choice but I was a bit surprised to find out that the sandwich was 330 calories with 12 grams of fat for a whopping 7 points. That is high for breakfast. OK, so moving on.

We go into the City and my niece wants to go to Build-a-Bear. So we go running uptown with my “Sista”, my niece and my daughter. Of course we have a great time but now I’m starting to feel hungry. We head back downtown and fix lunch for the kids. My Sista and I decide to go out for a leisurely lunch ourselves with my son. We leave the girls home with the nanny and my young nephew. We go to a great restaurant and split an asian style salad which was delicious. Unfortunately this “salad” had about two lettuce leaves in it. We also pick on my son’s lunch; he ordered an unbelievably delicious rack of ribs. OK, so I reason that I will just be too full for dinner so I can manage the damage. As we start walking back to my Sista’s apartment my cell rings. It is my hubby (who is back home), asking what’s for dinner and if I could bring home some Chinese food from the City. No problem honey . . . .

I’m sure you can guess the rest. We finally get home after hitting a decent amount of traffic. My hubby and the kids sit down for dinner and I join them just for some soup . . . oh the sesame chicken looks good, I’ll just try some . . . Ooooo, I haven’t had cold noodles in a long time . . . just a spoonful of fried rice. Never mind that I over-ate (at least I think I have because I haven’t been tracking my BLTs - Bites, Licks and Tastes), but do you know how much water I am going to retain from all of the sodium and MSG in that food???? AHHH!!!!

So what to do?? Tonight I will drink A LOT of water to flush out all of the salt. Tomorrow I will take a Zumba class in the morning before my weigh-in. Hopefully I will sweat out the water and toxins I’ve accumulated today. I hope I haven’t done too much damage!!

AHH!!! Weekends!!!

Burgers, Block Parties and Street Fairs

Here it is the weekend again. This past week was hectic to say the least. Although the kids are back in school full time, there are so many meetings and “back to school” events that the days just rush by. I was so busy this week that some days, I didn’t have time to eat. I would grab a yogurt or a banana on the run and come home ravenous which, is not good. Luckily I was able to maintain some control.

Friday night we went out to dinner at a local bar and grill. The best thing to order at a bar and grill is a burger with fries and a nice cold beer (it was very warm last night). I knew that eating that would really put back on whatever I lost for the week. I only had two more days until weigh in, which is the reason why I weigh in on Mondays (it keeps me honest over the weekend). I reasoned with myself that I could always come back on Monday or Tuesday night and have the burger. I would still have time to make up for it before the next weigh in. So, I ordered a Cobb Salad which, isn’t exactly low in points. However, since I had a crazy day, I didn’t eat very much and I had a lot of points left to consume.

Now it is Saturday. There was a big street fair on Jericho Turnpike. I love street fairs. But here I am again faced with things like Zeppolies and “Fried Oreos”. I’ve never even seen a fried oreo before but everyone was telling me how good they were. I took one look at how they were cooked and how they looked and truthfully, the roasted corn and meat on a stick looked so much better.

I also knew that, although the fried oreo may have tasted good at first, I certainly wasn’t going to be feeling very well after I ate it, physically and mentally. The corn and the chicken were delicious and I felt great after I ate them.

I’m faced with one more challenge, the block party! I’m coming prepared with a Weight Watchers Bundt cake and I’ve make a WW Apple Struesal for when we get home just in case I have an urge for more sweets. I am also going into a “safe zone” because my girlfriend is WW savy and she knows I’m back on track. So I feel pretty confident! Wish me luck . . . .

I can not believe it is already Thursday!

This week went fast! Monday was weigh in day!! Whoo Hoo. Of course I don’t always go in excited. Some times I go to WW with a feeling of dread and regret. But let us not dwell on the negative. Monday was a good day. I lost 5.8 pounds. Wow!!! I am already nervous for next week. Losing that much weight in one week is really exciting. It is also a little dangerous because I felt like maybe I deserved a reward, like maybe an apple cider donut? Ahhhh!!

So, in celebration of weigh in day, I’ve decided to share a recipe. This is one of my favorites and it is low in points and delicious. There are a couple of variations which I will explain below.

Chicken “Cacciatore”

Pam vegetable oil spray

1 large onion chopped

2 red peppers chopped

2 zucchini chopped

1 15 oz can diced tomatoes

6 Skinless Chicken thighs or 6 chicken breast

1 vegetable bouillon cube

salt and pepper to taste

1 oz Neufchatel Cheese (low fat cream cheese)

Sauté onion, peppers, and zucchini in large skillet (sprayed with Pam) until soft (about 15 minutes). Add tomatoes and bouillon cube and let simmer for another 15 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Remove vegetables from pan. Spray pan with more Pam and brown chicken on both sides. Add back vegetables to chicken and simmer until cooked through (about 30 - 45 minutes).

Just Vegetables.

Chicken simmering in vegetables.

You can stop right here and serve this with rice or pasta on the side (make sure you include the points for the rice or pasta). I consider it to serve 6 with one thigh and vegetables per serving. The points for this would be 4. Or, you can alter the dish as follows (this is how I make it).

Remove chicken from the skillet and transfer vegetable mixture into a sauce pan. With a hand blender (or you can use a food processor ), puree vegetables. Once pureed, add Neufchatel cheese and continue to puree to make a creamy sauce. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve one piece of chicken with sauce over pasta or rice.

Using my hand blender to puree vegetables with cheese.

Creamy vegetable sauce.

Chicken thighs with sauce over the top.

The point value remains the same. The cheese is low enough in calories not to add any extra points to the dish. My kids absolutely love this recipe and I’m so happy that they are getting so many vegetables!

Give it a try over the weekend and if you get stuck, just email me or give me a call! Bon Appetite!

No No Song by Ringo Star

If you are old enough, you may remember this song. It is one of my favorites and it was sung by Ringo Starr:

Obviously, the song is all about addiction; drug and alcohol. If I were singing this song, it would go something like this:

A man I know just came from upstate New York

He smiled because I did not understand

Then he held out a bag of apple cider donuts

He said they were the best in the Northeast

Yesterday, we went on our annual apple picking trip. Each year we brave the traffic and drive about 2 hours north to pay a fair price to pick our own apples. By the time we get there, we are all hungry from the long drive. We stop into the Farm Shop which sells all sorts of goodies (baked pies, fudge, candy, apple cider, apples) including my favorite - Apple Cider Donuts.

Just looking at this photo makes my mouth water. Since they are big sellers, very often, we have waited for a fresh batch to purchase. The donuts are always warm, light, moist and delicious. These are a "drug" for me. I can not eat just one. If I have a dozen in front of me, I will eat one after another until the dozen is finished. Then I would go back and buy another dozen. At WW we call these (for me) a red light food. Somehow my "want power" was so strong yesterday that I did not eat any. I knew that if I took even a bite, I would be in a grave situation. I knew that I was one day from weigh in and I did not want to blow all the good choices I made all week for a dozen or two donuts.

I have the same problem with cigarettes. I quit smoking about 10 years ago after having quit many times. The reason why I haven't smoked in 10 years is because I know, with out a doubt, that if I even take one drag from a cigarette, I would be back to smoking two packs a day within 24 hours.

So my response to these delicious apple cider donuts is simple:

No no no I can't eat it no more

I can't zip my jeans any more

No thank you please they only make me wheeze

And then I can't fit my butt through the door

Stay tuned - I will definitely shoot my own video doing my version of this song!

Danger Danger

In 1965 there was a TV Show called “Lost in Space”. It was about a family of astronauts who . . . got lost in space. By our standards today, the show was not very sophisticated!! But I was a kid and I LOVED it !! The family had a robot which was always there to lend a hand (sort of). Anytime something dangerous was about to happen, or was happening to the family, this robot would start waving its arms and say “Danger Danger”.

It would be nice if all of us had a robot like that to help us along in life. Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand how a situation is evolving when I am in the middle of it. I wish I had that “parental insight” over my own actions. I don’t always see the Danger signs. This is particularly true in my food struggle.

If you accept the fact that I eat primarily due to emotions (and I lump a lot into that basket), then the minute I start to feel a certain way, my robot should start making a lot of noise “Danger Danger Christina”. The key is to be my own robot and recognize the feelings before I am overwhelmed.

This week was the first full week of school for the kids. It was a big transition week for all of us. We needed to get to sleep earlier because we were waking up earlier. Of course, we all know how challenging it can be to get back into a routine once the vacation is over. I felt tired all week. Add some PMS and a weekend to that mix. My robot is yelling “Danger Danger Christina”. My plan of action is simple. I will go for a walk whenever I feel those Danger signs coming. I will get extra sleep. I will not put myself in difficult food situations. I will prevail and I will definitely go to WW on Monday!

Where is your “go to” place??

At Weight Watchers (WW) we often talk about the “honeymoon” period. This is when you just join the program, everything is new and exciting and you are happily losing weight at a nice pace. Then all of a sudden the “diet” gets old, the weight loss starts to diminish and the meetings lose their luster. This can be applied to any thing in life.

One of my readers posted a comment about maintaining that “I Feel Good” feeling. So true - I am great at losing weight - I’ve lost “tons” but I always find a way to gain those pounds back.

I’ve been thinking. This is a big topic and I will come back to it often. Let’s take baby steps. Every one has a “go to” place. Mine is food. I go to food when I am feeling fill in the blank. Over the summer, I found myself in the peanut butter jar, very often, after dinner. I wasn’t hungry. Why was I eating peanut butter?? I brought it up at one of my WW meetings but still couldn’t find the answer. Then last Monday, while speaking with my leader about this issue she looked me in the eye and asked “What are you getting from that peanut butter???”. I had my “ah ha” moment and realized that it was “me time”. After dinner, I would send the kids up to their rooms to read a book, take a shower, watch TV, practice an instrument, whatever, just to get rid of them because I wanted “me time” and I didn’t want them to see what I was about to do! I would clear the dinner dishes, fill the dishwasher, scrub the pots and pans and then, I would sit down at the kitchen table with my jar of peanut butter. Of course, the kids would call down “Mom, are coming up?”. I would respond, half choking “I wrill bree rihhit up” (it is tough talking with a mouth full of peanut butter).

We all have a “go to” place. Think about your friends, family, neighbors. Some “go to” that 6pm glass of Chardonnay. Some “go to” the mall to purchase a new pocketbook. Some “go to” the gym and run on a treadmill. All of these places are great in moderation. There is nothing wrong with a glass of wine on Friday night, or a new pocketbook, or a run. But if you are getting wasted every night by 8pm or you are in debt and two months from bankruptcy, or you are obsessed with exercise and on the verge of anorexia, well, that isn’t so good. Or if your BMI is in the obese range and your doctor is afraid you are going to develop diabetes, well, then maybe you and I better change something.

What I need to do is replace my “go to” place with something good for me that makes me feel good and gives me what I really need (I certainly didn’t need that peanut butter). If I need some “me time” after dinner. Then I will go for a walk. It doesn’t have to be miles. It only took me about 10 minutes to have my peanut butter time so a walk around the block would suffice. Or maybe I will get on a mat and do a couple of “down dogs”, a little “chaturanga” and a “twist” to help me digest. And of course, I can always blog . . . .

Hips Don't Lie (and neither does the mirror)

A good friend of mine suggested to me that I read a book called Eating Awareness Training. According to the author, Molly Groger, one of the first steps to lasting weight loss is to live in the present and acknowledge and accept your body as it is right now. An exercise she recommends is to stand in front of a full length mirror, naked, and really look at your body, and accept where you are right now. Yes, I know, if you are like me, that is a very scary proposition. In fact, one of the hardest things I find when I finally return to the gym after a long lapse in judgement, is facing all of those mirrors!!! There is no reality check greater than my own reflection while I am trying to balance on one of those big balls while doing a pitiful “crunch” - OUCH!

So last night, I installed a full length mirror onto the OUTSIDE of my closet door. I’ve always had a full length mirror on the INSIDE of my door but since I rarely go into my closet - none of the clothes in there fit me anymore - I rarely saw myself in full view. In case you are wondering, yes, I stood there in my “birthday suit” and took it all in. To quote Shakira, my “Hips Don’t Lie” and neither does the mirror! Off to the gym!

Note: I am now on Facebook so if you want to friend “Fridgedemons”, just search for Christina Stefanik and friend the “little devil”!!!

I Feel Good

My “old” Weight Watchers Leader used to have this James Brown doll. It was about 2 feet tall and stood on a pedestal with a button. When you pushed the button, the doll would start to dance and James Brown’s signature song “I Feel Good” would start to play. My leader’s message was simple and powerful: If you eat right and take care of yourself, you will feel good. Well she was right. Three days into this, I’ve been making good choices, eating a healthy diet, keeping my portions in control and walking about 2.5 miles each morning and boy do I FEEL GOOD!!! So here is to you Noreen!!! I’m just borrowing your mantra . . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzlpTRNIAvc

By the way . . . . I am LOVING that powder blue pants suit!

Day 1 AGAIN

Hi. My name is Christina and I am a “food-a-holic”. Yup! I am back. About a year ago I started this blog called “Fridgedemons” to write about my struggle with food. I had a lot of hopes and dreams when I started this blog; one of them was to lose weight. Well, here I am, a year later, back at the drawing board. Yesterday I went back to Weight Watchers (AGAIN) after a long (and happy) summer. Unfortunately the results were not good (AGAIN). I wasn’t surprised. I was bummed.

Here it is, Day 1, AGAIN, and I decided to start blogging AGAIN. My goal is to lose 50 pounds. I have also decided to blog about other topics that are important to me so stay tuned, check in frequently and remember to keep commenting!

Non Scale Victories

I have a confession to make. This past Monday, I weighed in at Weight Watchers. I lost weight - about 2 pounds. But when I saw my total weight number, what I weigh, I got really depressed. It was strange because I felt like all of the effort I put into being healthy and eating right and exercising should have resulted in a greater loss. My logic is - when I over eat and binge - the weight gain is always much bigger than 2 pounds. So, on Monday afternoon, I did what I have been doing my whole life when I get depressed - I ate. Luckily, since I am getting stronger, not only in my body but also in my mind, I was able to stop eating before it became a total free-fall.

I went back to my healthy eating habits on Tuesday and re-read the chapter on Week 1 from my "new" book Eating Awareness Training.

Thursday and Friday something really lovely happened. Thursday I took a spin class followed by yoga and Friday I took a yoga class. During and after these classes, particularly during Thursday's spin and after Friday's yoga, I felt stronger and taller than I have felt in a long time. My posture has improved and I feel like my abdominal muscles are actually tighter. I walk with my head held higher and my outlook on life - every day activities, even TRAFFIC - has changed. Something happened this week. Maybe it was the 100 forward bends I have done over the last two months. Maybe it is the miles and miles I have spun on my bike. Maybe it was listening to Simon and Garfunkel. I just feel so much more at peace and accepting of where I am right now in this journey.

I won't kid myself - that number still bothers me! But driving through McDonald's isn't going to improve the situation. I need to accept the number, embrace it and continue sticking my "rump" up to the stars in Downward Dog. I need to get on that bike and "ride like the wind" into the sunset. I need to fuel my body and mind with energy producing healthy foods, not junk!

So if you notice that perhaps I am a little taller today and perhaps glowing a little more than usual - well I am!


And that is what we call a non scale victory!

I think I have ADD!

I am not poking fun at anyone who actually has Attention Deficit Disorder but, I rarely do one thing at a time. To make myself feel better I call it "Multi-tasking". What it really is, is "cramming too much in too little time".

I guess this goes back to my blog about slowing down. It is also about living in the present and focusing on what I am doing instead of doing what I am doing and focusing on what I have to do next. Do you know where I am going with this??? Since reading this new book, I realize that I never just eat. I am always doing something else besides eating. Some examples are, watching the news, making lunches for my kids, driving to tennis, answering email, surfing the web, writing a blog or even just staring out the window. This past week I've been thinking a lot about how I approach my life. So often, I am not in the moment at all! And the funny thing is - I'm trying to be.

So my goal this week is to truly live in the moment. Do one thing at a time instead of 2 or 3 (how many times have you been on the phone, with the TV on, answering your e-mail??).

Here is a quote I heard today . . . and it is a good one!

"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure." Colin Powell

and if that one isn't good enough here is another one

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work."

Colin Powell

Honey, we have to talk.

Have you ever heard those words? Perhaps you have said them. These words are usually exchanged between two people who are in a serious relationship. Anytime I have heard or said those words, it has meant that the relationship isn't going very well. It means that I must make a change and it is going to be a difficult one (of course, if I am hearing those words then my partner is the one invoking the change).

I have spent a lot of time this week thinking about just that - Changing the relationship I have with food. I mean really really looking at how we (food and I) interact, the role that food has in my life. I have thought about the amount of attention I give to food and how often I ignore food. I've thought about how I use food to provide me with what I want but not necessarily what I need. OK, it sounds strange and you are probably thinking - "she has finally gone off the deep end" - but, it is true.

I've been to a clairvoyant woman a couple of times. Once she read my aura at a "Get Your Aura Read" party one of my girlfriends had. Once she read my Tarot Cards at Lord & Taylor. She is very interesting and the things she has said to me on both of these occasions really were significant. One thing in particular that she often says is something like this. "What ever you need, the universe will provide to you as long as you open yourself up and visualize exactly where you want to be in your life." Interesting . . . I happen to believe in this type of "stuff" and I have often thought of what she said.

So here I am, obsessing about food - my relationship with food - how if fits into my life - what I allow it to do to me - etc. etc. Then comes along my new favorite Yoga teacher and I begin to tell her about this blog and my "food issue". As if a black hole in the universe suddenly opened, she looked at me and said "I have just the book for you". And she did. (Do you believe yet?).

The book is out of print so if you want it, you have to order it online. It is called Eating Awareness Training by Molly Groger. When I read the introduction, I felt as if this woman wrote exactly what I have been thinking. The book really spoke to me because it is all about eating with your body and not with your mind. It is something I have been heading towards - listening to when I am hungry and eating (even if I eat beyond my daily points). Conversely, I also don't have to eat all of my daily points if I am not hungry. The writer also suggests that when I eat, I eat and not do anything else. I am amazed at how many times I eat without even thinking about what I am eating or enjoying the experience of what I am eating. In other words, when I eat, I should not be reading, watching TV, thinking about the laundry, thinking about my kids or my tennis game. I should be thinking about eating. This is some serious living in the present. Don't misunderstand me, I am doing Weight Watchers so I am always tracking what I am eating - but very often, when I eat, I am usually doing something else and shoving the food into my mouth, not really thinking about how it tastes or the texture or how I feel (hungry, satisfied, full). Instead, I should eat my meals as if I were a judge on "Iron Chef America". Believe me, it is a lot tougher than it sounds!

I'll keep you posted on how it goes . . . . .

Why are the brakes in the car so worn???

My husband has frequently asked me "why are the brakes so worn in your car?". I laugh and usually respond "Gee Honey, I don't know."

Have you ever noticed that 5 minutes makes a big difference in your life?? It does in my life. One of the things I LOVE about writing this blog (besides sharing my thoughts with all of my readers) is being able to go back and read what I wrote. I always wanted to keep a diary but I never was consistent about it and when I did re-read what I wrote, I found that a lot of the time it was just a stream of consciousness. Since I spend a lot of time writing and re-writing this blog, my writing is much more concise - at least I try to make it that way. Lately, I have been feeling that tight "pit in my stomach" "head achy" feeling that I had before my summer vacation. I started to feel like I was "fighting" again. I was getting really wound up and I didn't like how that felt. I went back and re-read "Unplugged" and I realized that I was very close to being in that up-tight place that I was before. YUCK!! So I took a deep breath and focused on "getting out of there".

Whenever I come back from vacation, I spend a lot of time thinking of how I can simulate that "vacation like" feeling into my everyday life. Even though I am home and I do have my work to do, why can't I do it in a more relaxed way? What makes the difference?? Time is the difference. When I am on vacation, I have time to relax, time to sleep, time to do what I want or feel like doing. That is the main difference. The most relaxing vacation is going to a place where there is not much to do; like an island in the Caribbean. All you can do is go the the beach, frolic in the water and relax. More active vacations like skiing or sightseeing are great also but certainly more work. So how do I "vacation" in my normal life?

The answer is in one little word . . . prioritize. I must do what is important to me and my family and forget the rest! Not necessarily in order of importance I must: exercise, go to Weight Watchers, keep my home in order, prepare healthy delicious meals for my family, parent my children, be a supportive spouse to my husband and take care of myself. I remember this Mom who had a daughter in the same pre-school as my daughter. When I asked her to volunteer for an extra event, she looked at me and said "Christina, Less is More". I really didn't understand at the time (she had 5 children and her daughter was the youngest) but now I sure do!

In the words of Simon and Garfunkel . . . "Slow down, you move too fast, you have to make the morning last just, kicking down the cobble stones, looking for fun and Feelin' Groovy . . . "

Don't you feel better just hearing that song?? (LOVE GARFUNKEL"S HAIR)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e36gLfrmRCw

(If the link doesn't work just go directly to youtube to hear the

song - sorry - Tech difficulties)

No Antipasto for you!

I often tell my children that one of the most important things to have in life are options. No, not the financial instruments sold on the market, but everyday options. These can be as simple as many friends to choose from or sports to play or books to read. These options become particularly important as my children grow. The more major ones are such things as a choice of a college or eventually the luxury (these days) of having a choice of job or vocation.

I have been very fortunate in my life. Some might even describe my life as privileged. Don't misunderstand, I've had my share of tough times but I have also been blessed with a supportive husband, fabulous children, great brothers, even better sister-in-laws, good friends and many options to choose from. I was raised by a remarkable woman. She was the most intelligent person I have ever met. She instilled in me a belief that I could do anything. I am not kidding! I never believed in my entire life that any endeavor or goal was too great for me to achieve. The older I get, the more I realize that this belief is incredibly powerful and dangerous.

What my Mom did not teach me was that the ability to accomplish whatever I desired came with a price and that sometimes, that price was just too high. Options are very important but so is the ability to evaluate those options and make the best choice for ourselves. This choice may not be "the best" for everyone or in every one's eyes. However, it is the choice that will make us happy and allow us to succeed based upon our own standards. Furthermore, as important as it is to receive our peer's validation, we must also be able to provide ourselves with validation and acceptance that the choices we make are best for us.

I have spent a lot of my life "doing it all". At one time, it was important to me and the sheer accomplishment of whatever I was doing was enough. Over time, I have lost myself in this quest. I don't want to do it all. If I must, of course I can. I know that, my mother told me so. But the price is very very high.

So here I am, at the very beginning of the Holiday Season, 20 days from Thanksgiving and all of the hysteria that goes with those two months leading to New Year's Day. But this year will be different. I have many options, thanks to my husband and my children and my Mom. This year I will choose very carefully and wisely. My time is a precious commodity - one that becomes even more precious with its passing.

I will choose to exercise every day. I will choose not to bake 10 batches of cookies. I will choose to eat healthy every day. I will choose to give all of our teachers, instructors and coaches store bought gifts, not "homemade" ones. I will choose to take care of myself, my husband and my children. And on Christmas Eve, I will choose to be by my husband's side, reading "The Night Before Christmas" to my children and I will choose not to be running around the house finishing all of those ridiculous projects that I didn't need to start. I will choose to weigh less on January 2 than I weigh today and I will choose to be happy and well rested.

So, no excuses, no apologies and NO ANTIPASTO ON THANKSGIVING FOR YOU!

Happy Holidays!

Dear Santa . . . .

And so begins the annual spiraling holiday journey. It all starts innocently enough. A couple of cute little children dressed in their Halloween costumes ringing the doorbell for their customary treat. Then we slide into Thanksgiving filled to the brim with buttery potatoes, delicious stuffing, overflowing pies and gravy . . . lots and lots of gravy. Do you know what gravy is? I make gravy from scratch and I've been told that I make really good gravy and I must agree after trying some other people's gravy, mine is AWESOME. To make gravy, I start with all of the fat drippings which dripped or melted off the turkey that I just cooked. I cook that fat over a medium flame and I add flour to the fat and let it cook, constantly whisking it with a whisk. Then, after about 3 to 5 minutes, I add chicken stock, whisking quickly. The stock mixed with the fried fat and flour creates this delectable sauce which is velvety and rich with flavor. Sorry - I went off on a tangent.

Thanksgiving is quickly followed by Christmas. That is the "big Kahuna" of Holidays. Christmas is not a one day deal like Thanksgiving. Christmas lasts FOREVER! First there is all of the shopping . . . at the mall . . . with that terrible food court and those pesky Auntie Anne pretzels. I mean REALLY - you might as well just go to the supermarket and eat a stick of butter with a slice of bread and chase it with some lemon water. You would save about $5 too! And I never have any time during the "Holiday Season" because I am running around, shopping and baking (yes - I bake cookies which I then wrap up in pretty cellophane and ribbons and hand out to teachers, instructors, coaches, etc.). Time becomes a rare commodity. Of course when this happens, I usually give up my healthy options such as exercising, sleeping and eating healthy. All of this adds up to a very grumpy me and the eventual holiday weight gain.

So here I am, January 2nd, fat and depressed and looking at my "New Year's Resolution" list (I don't kid myself with January 1st because that is the tail of the Christmas Holiday). Let me tell you, if Halloween was any indication of how the rest of the Holiday season is going to go . . . OUCH! I don't remember eating so much candy in years. It was ugly.

So, how do I deal with this? How do I put myself first and the rest of the world last? How do I make sure that I get on that scale on January 2nd lighter than I am right now??? And how do I do all of this without fighting or stressing. How do I do this with love and acceptance not only of who I am but acceptance and love of everyone around me. (BIG SIGH)

Maybe I should write a letter to Santa . . . .

Cold Rainy Weekend Spells . . . .

Carb Coma

Sorry to quote from my favorite movie AGAIN but if the shoe fits . . . .

In "The Devil Wears Prada", Emily is laying in a hospital bed after being accidentally hit by a taxi. Her co-worker, Andy, has just told her that she has been passed up for the much coveted trip to Paris for Fashion Week with Miranda. Lying there bruised and battered Emily laments to Andy, crying how unfair it is that Andy is going to Paris instead of her " . . . the cloths that you are going to get I mean you don't deserve them you eat carbs for Christ's sake. . . "

I had a great physician in Manhattan; Dr. Pat. She was my OB/GYN for many years and we went through some tough times together. She was always on my case about my weight. This woman was totally "IN" the New York Scene. She was a real "Park Avenue" Physician. Her children went to Dalton. She appeared very often in the society pages for gala fundraising events. She was always dressed impeccably; even after an all nighter with a patient in labor. She had celebrity patients. She was very THIN. Once her assistant told me that Dr. Pat was 5 pounds overweight so she went on Optifast (that was the liquid diet of the 80s).

I remember one of my favorite lines that she said to me during my annual visit. I was sitting in the examining room in one of those adorable robes (and I swear that she ordered size small because the damn things NEVER fit me). She walks in, takes one look at me and says "I see we have been doing a lot of chewing." Really, she made Miranda Priestly look like Mother Theresa!

I really miss Dr. Pat. She really was an excellent physician and she was very bright! She once told me that if I wanted to lose weight and keep it off, I had to give up carbs. OUCH! At the time I couldn't even begin to comprehend what she was saying. Give up carbs??? And she wasn't stopping at the obvious ones like pasta, rice or bread. She even told me that I shouldn't eat bananas because the carbohydrate content was too high. Obviously she hadn't eaten bread in years (and it worked on her, I might add). Her theory was that carbohydrates are addictive. The more you eat, the more you want. Sort of like the potato chip theory - you know - you can't eat just one. Over the years I have tried to give up carbs and the truth is, if I only eat protein, vegetables and fruit (no bananas), the weight just melts off.

Today, about 13 years later, I think that Dr. Pat's theory has some validity. This past weekend, my hubby and I took the kids to a college football game on Friday night at my husband's Alma mater, Rutgers University. I was ready to get through this event without over-eating. I even packed salads that my husband and I would eat, thereby avoiding all of the "sporting event" foods that can easily derail the best weight loss efforts. It started innocently enough. A quarter of a pretzel here, a couple of tortilla chips there. Then, after the game my husband stopped by a "greasy food truck" to share some college memories with my kids and me. He bought us two "hogies" - one with beef, american cheese, chicken fingers and french fries and the other with gyro meat, mozzarella sticks and french fries. As I took a bite of the monster sandwich all I could think of was the carb overload I was experiencing and who in their right mind would eat something like this (I was only sampling it).

It was all downhill after that. One carb lead to another and before I knew it, by Sunday afternoon, I could hardly get off of the couch to take or pick-up my son from tennis practice. It was UGLY! If you have never been in a carb coma, it feels the way you feel after Thanksgiving dinner except the food isn't as good. The worst part of it all was (actually there are two worst parts) that I wasted a perfectly great day! I could have done many things more productive than eating and vegging. The other part was the morning after. I had to weigh in on Monday morning and that was really PAINFUL! After working so hard all week not only didn't I lose any weight

. . . I gained.

Bummer!

Oh No! TRAFFIC

Have you ever found yourself driving back home on a Sunday afternoon after visiting some relatives in New Jersey or Westchester or Long Island (if you don't live on LI)? Maybe you were driving back from a long weekend upstate or on the Jersey Shore? Much to your disbelief there is no traffic. It is amazing. Then it happens. Before you can stop him or her, your spouse says "Wow, look honey, no traffic". You know what happens next! BOOM Thousands of Bright Red Taillights - TRAFFIC.

Yup! We have all been there. We thought we were going to get home at a reasonable hour. We thought it was going so well. Then, as if Someone heard us - BAM!

That is what happened to me today. I woke up in the middle of the night - HUNGRY! My stomach was growling and I couldn't go back to sleep. Finally, I got up and had a yogurt. My stomach settled down and I did some laundry. Then, within an hour, I was hungry AGAIN! What was happening??? I made myself some breakfast, an egg white omelet with veggies and an english muffin (high grain) with low fat cheese. Of course, immediately after I ate I was satisfied. But then it happened again - about an hour later I was hungry - again.

WHOA . . . . What was happening??? This is how I spent my day. I would eat something that normally would have satisfied me and then after about an hour I was hungry again. Finally we ordered from one of my favorite places for dinner - La Bottega. I ordered my favorite salad with grilled chicken and this time I ate the bread! I finished off the day with my favorite dessert - apple struesal - and a piece of my Chili Chocolate. Finally I was satisfied (ok - I will admit it - I was full) I ate more than my allotted points today but not by that much. All I can think is that my body just needed the fuel. I worked out a lot this week. I went to the gym or played tennis 6 out of 7 days and I was very careful about everything I ate. I wasn't bored (we were out all day), I wasn't sad or angry or tired. I was just hungry.

I just hope I can keep the little "bugger" in check tomorrow! Now I am off to sleep - I can't eat when I am sleeping . . . . . WISH ME LUCK!